Did your sex drive nosedive like the sensex last year? Here are nine resolutions you should
make to rekindle the flame this 2009. In my last post, I talked about first 4 tips to revive your Sex life...
1. Learn some Kama Sutra
2. Revisit old moves
3. Make a sexual to-do list
4. Have more foreplay
5. Add the funk
Sex has become a mechanical activity for many stressed couples of Mumbai. There’s a way out.
One of you – whoever’s less stressed – can change the way you make love (at least for one
night for starters). Suggestions: Forget the ice cubes cliché, get a bottle of wine instead;
play raunchy Hindi numbers, encourage dirty chatter in bed… we hope you get the drift.
6. Go on an adventurous date
A weekend trip to an exotic resort can just get the fun back into your sex. Sometimes, a
break in monotony is just what your brain needs to get energised. Go for a swim together,
take to mountain-climbing, paragliding or simply walk down the beach. Excitement needn’t
always be expensive.
7. Overcome your fear
Is there anything you or your mate want to try but breaks into a cold sweat attempting it?
There is nothing as liberating as being terrified of something and overcoming it.
8. Break one of your taboos
Similarly, if you’ve imposed any rules or taboos on yourself because of fear, lack of
knowledge or social pressure, 2009 is the year to break it.
9. Communicate better
.. and more regularly. It is perhaps the most crucial resolution for your relationship. It
seems basic, but when was the last time you discussed sex with him/her? Speaking up is one
of the most important ingredients of a healthy sex life.
Wednesday 29 July 2009
Saturday 25 July 2009
Is Sex on Leave? (Part 3)
--- continued from Part 2 (Self Wirth Factor in Sex) ---
Stress, anxiety, overwork can all impact one’s libido. If ‘Honey, I have a headache!’ has become your man’s line of late, then your sex life is on toss and you need following mantras to cope up...
Coping With IT...
Stress, anxiety, overwork can all impact one’s libido. If ‘Honey, I have a headache!’ has become your man’s line of late, then your sex life is on toss and you need following mantras to cope up...
Coping With IT...
- A wife could use these troubled times to build the emotional intimacy and companionship with her husband, educate herself about the finer details of his problem and engage him in small joys in an unpressurising manner, such as sharing the child’s achievement in school.
- She could engage in non-sexual touching like offering a back rub or head massage to bond with him.
- She shouldn’t mind her husband wanting to spend time with his colleagues who enlighten him on ways to deal with the problem, not make any unreasonable material demands and tell him he’s not alone.
- Tell him that both of you will get through it ‘together’, and that you believe in his abilities.
- Ensure that he doesn’t blame himself. Assure him that everyone is in the same boat. Help him accept uncertainties and forgive himself for human errors, if any.
- She can help de-stigmatise seeking professional help. If he is depressed, accompany him to a counsellor.
- She could identify what brings him joy. Small things such as cooking his favourite meal, inviting his best friend over for dinner can help him.
- At times, when he is relaxed, she could take the lead, touch him sensually, with no pressure to perform, and see if he wants to take it forward.
- The woman, of course, has her own emotional and physical needs. She could channelise her libido in work and children, or sublimate her sexual urges in creative pursuits. If she is spiritually inclined, then prayer and meditation can give her comfort.
- She could also engage in self-pleasuring from time to time to deal with her own heightened sexual urges.
Monday 20 July 2009
Arrest reducing Sex drive (Part 1)
Did your sex drive nosedive like the sensex last year? Here are nine resolutions you should
make to rekindle the flame this 2009.
1. Learn some Kama Sutra
Given that the world’s oldest guide on love, sex and spirituality is our home production, we
Indians should be most adept at the subject. Not the case with you? Well, the book will
never go out of fashion and relevance. Plus, its sex chapters have often been plucked out
and circulated on the internet, books and on DVDs. Apart from positions, it has some useful
advice on behaviour, kissing and touching as well. Turn over a new leaf tonight!
2. Revisit old moves
If you’ve stopped making certain moves in bed because they’ve bothered you or your partner,
find out exactly why it occurs and get over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for
him/her. Also, if you think you’re too ‘grown up’ for some moves you used to make with your
college flame, a total recall would be fun!
3. Make a sexual to-do list
We’re not saying stick Post-its on the ceiling but you and your partner can set a rough
timetable, right? Once a month, once a week, whenever suits you – it is important to make
to-do list of styles, fantasies – whatever’s fun. Remember, bargaining and bribery works
wonders here.
4. Have more foreplay
Our ‘Sexpert’ has said countless times, but our women still complain of insufficient
foreplay when it comes to sex. Here’s a fact: women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay
are 80 per cent more likely to have an orgasm. Don’t let your lover be one in the remaining
20 per cent.
make to rekindle the flame this 2009.
1. Learn some Kama Sutra
Given that the world’s oldest guide on love, sex and spirituality is our home production, we
Indians should be most adept at the subject. Not the case with you? Well, the book will
never go out of fashion and relevance. Plus, its sex chapters have often been plucked out
and circulated on the internet, books and on DVDs. Apart from positions, it has some useful
advice on behaviour, kissing and touching as well. Turn over a new leaf tonight!
2. Revisit old moves
If you’ve stopped making certain moves in bed because they’ve bothered you or your partner,
find out exactly why it occurs and get over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for
him/her. Also, if you think you’re too ‘grown up’ for some moves you used to make with your
college flame, a total recall would be fun!
3. Make a sexual to-do list
We’re not saying stick Post-its on the ceiling but you and your partner can set a rough
timetable, right? Once a month, once a week, whenever suits you – it is important to make
to-do list of styles, fantasies – whatever’s fun. Remember, bargaining and bribery works
wonders here.
4. Have more foreplay
Our ‘Sexpert’ has said countless times, but our women still complain of insufficient
foreplay when it comes to sex. Here’s a fact: women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay
are 80 per cent more likely to have an orgasm. Don’t let your lover be one in the remaining
20 per cent.
--- to be concluded ---
Wednesday 15 July 2009
Is Sex on Leave? (Part 2)
--- Continued from Part 1 (Meltdown in bed) ---
Stress, anxiety, overwork can all impact one’s libido. If ‘Honey, I have a headache!’ has become your man’s line of late, then your sex life is on toss and you need following mantras to cope up...
Case 2: Self-Worth Factor
Some women get confused and anxious with the sudden withdrawal of sex, get depressed and might suspect that their husband is having an extra-marital affair or satisfying his sexual urges in other ways. Such anxious women must de-link affection and physical intimacy, and be educated about ‘temporary psychological impotence’ stemming from increased stress.
In some cases, over-consumption of alcohol can be a problem, especially with regular drinkers who try to deal with stress via alcohol. This takes a huge toll on the relationship, as the woman finds it difficult to empathise with a husband who gets drunk every night, whines about problems, and doesn’t wish to address the crisis in a logical manner.
In such a condition, marriage counselling helps the couple understand each other’s emotional needs. Also, stress counselling helps the man deal with the financial and sexual lull in life.
A man can be taught to reach out and be sensitive to his wife’s needs, and the woman can be educated to not make it all about herself, be ‘emotionally available’ and not use the husband’s vulnerability against him ever. The couple must remember that this a temporary but crucial phase and how they handle it ‘together’ decides the future status of the relationship.
Moreover, the ‘emotional intimacy’ during this crisis can strengthen their relationship, and there can be some surprising moments of physical intimacy, emerging from such emotional bonding.
Stress, anxiety, overwork can all impact one’s libido. If ‘Honey, I have a headache!’ has become your man’s line of late, then your sex life is on toss and you need following mantras to cope up...
Case 2: Self-Worth Factor
Some women get confused and anxious with the sudden withdrawal of sex, get depressed and might suspect that their husband is having an extra-marital affair or satisfying his sexual urges in other ways. Such anxious women must de-link affection and physical intimacy, and be educated about ‘temporary psychological impotence’ stemming from increased stress.
In some cases, over-consumption of alcohol can be a problem, especially with regular drinkers who try to deal with stress via alcohol. This takes a huge toll on the relationship, as the woman finds it difficult to empathise with a husband who gets drunk every night, whines about problems, and doesn’t wish to address the crisis in a logical manner.
In such a condition, marriage counselling helps the couple understand each other’s emotional needs. Also, stress counselling helps the man deal with the financial and sexual lull in life.
A man can be taught to reach out and be sensitive to his wife’s needs, and the woman can be educated to not make it all about herself, be ‘emotionally available’ and not use the husband’s vulnerability against him ever. The couple must remember that this a temporary but crucial phase and how they handle it ‘together’ decides the future status of the relationship.
Moreover, the ‘emotional intimacy’ during this crisis can strengthen their relationship, and there can be some surprising moments of physical intimacy, emerging from such emotional bonding.
Friday 10 July 2009
Is Sex on Leave? (Part 1)
Stress, anxiety, overwork can all impact one’s libido. If ‘Honey, I have a headache!’ has become your man’s line of late, then your sex life is on toss and you need following mantras to cope up...
Most women take sexual rejection very personally, especially if their sense of self-worth is linked to love and acceptance from their partner. When a sexual advance by a woman is turned down by her man, she views herself as being an inadequate lover, spouse and even a person. She believes that her ‘lovability’ is defined by the affection she receives or does not receive from her partner.
Case 1: Meltdown in bed
The current trend of sexless marriages, due to lowered self-esteem of men facing a financial crisis and resultant stress, is leading to varied reactions among women. Some working women who are aware of the global crisis, show greater empathy and do not blame their partner for the financial situation, or the subsequent lack of interest in sex. Instead, they assume the role of a sounding board, and also attempt to motivate them to be optimistic and deal with the crisis ‘together’.
On the other hand, some women add to their husbands’ woes by being confrontational, demanding, aggressive and blaming them for the loss of both, ‘money and sex’ and launch a direct attack on their partner’s manhood. This only makes matters worse, as the most vulnerable areas of a man are targeted. The woman, who has shoved a guilt-trip down her husband’s throat, can be rest assured that the financial crises may end, but her sex life will never improve. Women need to understand that ‘sex is not between the legs but between the ears’, and therefore also understand that a healthy and relaxed mind is important for mutually satisfying physical intimacy. Some women get confused with the sudden withdrawal of sex and might suspect that their husband is having an extra-marital affair!
Most women take sexual rejection very personally, especially if their sense of self-worth is linked to love and acceptance from their partner. When a sexual advance by a woman is turned down by her man, she views herself as being an inadequate lover, spouse and even a person. She believes that her ‘lovability’ is defined by the affection she receives or does not receive from her partner.
Case 1: Meltdown in bed
The current trend of sexless marriages, due to lowered self-esteem of men facing a financial crisis and resultant stress, is leading to varied reactions among women. Some working women who are aware of the global crisis, show greater empathy and do not blame their partner for the financial situation, or the subsequent lack of interest in sex. Instead, they assume the role of a sounding board, and also attempt to motivate them to be optimistic and deal with the crisis ‘together’.
On the other hand, some women add to their husbands’ woes by being confrontational, demanding, aggressive and blaming them for the loss of both, ‘money and sex’ and launch a direct attack on their partner’s manhood. This only makes matters worse, as the most vulnerable areas of a man are targeted. The woman, who has shoved a guilt-trip down her husband’s throat, can be rest assured that the financial crises may end, but her sex life will never improve. Women need to understand that ‘sex is not between the legs but between the ears’, and therefore also understand that a healthy and relaxed mind is important for mutually satisfying physical intimacy. Some women get confused with the sudden withdrawal of sex and might suspect that their husband is having an extra-marital affair!
Monday 6 July 2009
Can eggs enhance Sex life?
Q1: For the last two years, I have been eating three to five eggs per day. I exercise daily for 10 to 30 minutes. Will it affect my sex life in any way?
Ans1: Do you own a chicken farm? It won’t harm you sexually, but do not eat uncooked eggs, they might have an infection. Try eating a balanced diet of vegetables, fruits, fish, etc.
Q2: I am a 26-year-old man. I am masturbating since the last eight to nine years. I will be getting married soon. I smoke six to seven cigarettes a day, will this affect my stamina? How can I build my stamina to I can have proper sex?
Ans 2: Fitness is not only for sex. A healthy diet and regular exercise will build your stamina. Masturbation won’t affect your life but please stop smoking.
Thursday 2 July 2009
Why SavitaBhabhi.com closed down?
With hordes of other pornographic sites accessible to Indian netizens, is "Savita Bhabhi" being unfairly targeted? "The Kamasutra has explicit illustrated images, too. It is a visual art form and so is Savita Bhabhi. If the govt has banned the website, then they might as well ban the Kamasutra," protests an animator. "We should avoid making the pornography issue Savita Bhabhi-centric, and realise the larger picture ," says a psychiatrist. Savita Bhabhi, allegedly, promoted usage of vibrators that allow women to "ignore" men as far as sex is concerned. However, women literally used men...Who is she?
Launched in March 2008, Savitabhabhi.com is an adult cartoon strip featuring a married Indian woman's sexual adventures. It quickly acquired a cult following with its funny plot lines and the uniqueness of having an Indian setting in a porn strip. The strip received much press last year, from Indian and international media outlets. According to Alexa.com, Savitabhabhi is the 82nd most visited Indian website, attracting more visitors than Bseindia.com, BSE's website.After dilly-dallying for over 10 months, Indian government has finally banned this site. The CCA, a government agency under the Department of Information Technology, is entrusted under the IT Act to block websites. There were several complaints against the site. We have taken action under the relevant sections of the IT Act and blocked the site," said CCA spokesperson. When asked if the agency will give a chance to the owners of the site to defend themselves, he said nobody has come forward so far with such a request.
Efforts to reverse the ban have already sprung up on the Internet. A website, Savesavita.com, attempts to channelise support and action against censorship. The creators of Savitabhabhi are known only by their screen names. In an email interview with contentSutra, the main brain behind the site, who goes by the handle Deshmukh, said they were exploring legal options. "We are talking to our lawyers and trying to figure out our options."
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