Unable to consummate marriage? Know most common reasons...

Dr Rajan Bhonsle gives ten most common reasons that stop couples from consummating their marriage...

1. Lack of Emotional Involvement

Many women carry an apprehension regarding sex and hence, are unable to respond comfortably during the first few attempts of intercourse. This may also happen due to lack of emotional involvement in the relationship, especially if it's an arranged marriage. A woman's sexuality is usually 'heart-oriented'. It is best to wait a little and do not rush things.

2. Penetration Phobia

Irrational fear or phobia associated with penetration is often a cause of non-consummation of marriage, even in educated couples. The cause is a deep rooted psychological fear related to the genitals, mostly due to physical and/or psychological trauma in the earlier years. It may also be a learned fear caused by listening to myths about painful penetration during the impressionable years. Due to this, the woman rejects all attempts of penetration made by her partner.

3. Dyspareunia

There are several possible causes for dyspareunia, better understood as pain during intercourse. The problem arises because the woman's pelvic muscles may be too tight, or her vagina may not be adequately lubricated. Also, her hymen may still be partially intact which may be causing pain. It is strongly recommended that couples avoid having intercourse until the cause of this pain is found, or else things may only get worse. In later stages, a physical problem may become a psychological one.

4. A Tight Hymen

The hymen is a thin membrane that covers the vagina. It may or may not be present at birth. In some women the hymen is extra thick and tight. This makes it either impossible to penetrate during intercourse. Also, it may cause severe pain and bleeding if penetration is forcibly attempted. If a gynaecologist finds the hymen to be unusually tight on examination, a small surgery - hymenectomy - may be necessary before the couple attempts intercourse.

5. Vaginismus

Vaginismus is an 'involuntary spasm' of the muscle controlling the entrance to the vagina during attempts of penetration that invariably causes pain and discomfort. The cause is a deep rooted psychological fear related to the genitals. The woman involuntarily tightens the muscles of her vagina, making penetration painful and impossible. A woman may or may not be consciously aware of the root cause. No medication can help in such a situation. A sex therapist trained in counselling and psychotherapy is better equipped to deal with it.

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